parenthood

I want another baby

I want to have another baby. To be honest I have wanted another baby for years now. This isn’t some new revelation, this isn’t a phase I am going through. The ache in my heart is a constant. I push my feelings down for months and then all I can think about when I lay awake at night is how amazing it would be pregnant again.

pexels-photo-789787

I have spoken to my husband about it many times since Linc was a baby. It comes up, I get emotional, I see the stress appear on his face. I know it so well now, the look of him wondering how he is going to tell me it is not going to happen.

If you have been to my blog before toady you may be aware that I wrote a post about my older sister going through menopause and my own personal freak out about it. I have been realising that soon my own chances of conceiving a healthy baby will be very slim.

Emotionally I am not done having children! 

The thing is what is the point of even thinking about it, mentioning it, or discussing it, when I know his answer will be NO?

I know it will, yet I still ask. Again, like I knew it would be, he says no. He is happy with the status quo, is he implying I am not? Am I actually not? He is worried about money. Fair enough it is expensive to raise a child, but still we are doing ok.

I didn’t push it, I just wanted to discuss it. I asked him to consider my feelings. he responded that “I” need to consider his. I got a little angry at this point.

I have considered his feelings, he said no, so I agreed we won’t have another child.

I have considered his feelings for the past 7 ayers, every time I have brought it up, he says he doesn’t want another child, so I have no choice but to agree. I could of course manipulate the situation and get pregnant, but I would never do that, I haven’t done that because I am considering ‘his feelings’. So that is why I was annoyed that he implied I am not considering his feelings.

That is the thing with bringing a child into this world, it takes two, and if one person says no, then they automatically get their way. It is not about him winning and me loosing, it is about me not bringing a child into this world without my husband wanting it just as much as I do.

I want another baby, it is like an ache, my heart literally aches to have another child, my whole body wants another child. I will not have another child. It is over for me. I have no choice to a accept that. It is not that I am unhappy, or that I don’t already know how blessed I am to have 3 healthy children, trust me I do. Still my heart still hurts. I just want him to acknowledge that. I just want him to understand that it hurts me, that I am in pain.

It is not about changing his mind, I know if at this point he said yes that he would only be doing it to make me happy, and that is not what I want! I wanted him to want it, but he doesn’t. I do not blame him, it is just how he feels, just like I feel the way I do. I just want him to allow me time to grieve this. I want him to acknowledge that I am hurting. Does that make sense to anyone? Or is it just me?

Ren

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12 thoughts on “I want another baby”

  1. Both me and my husband wanted to have a second child. However, I had 3 miscarriages while trying the second time. We gave up hope. We planned adoption but there are legal issues. So as you said Emotionally I am not done having children!..I just pray for some miracle. My hugs and prayers are with you. I am hopeful that your husband will understand and soon you will have another baby.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such a difficult situation to be in. Have you shared this post with him? Does he know how much this is affecting you? Perhaps talking about it so you can both understand why you feel how you do might help, even if it is only becoming at peace. I do hope it gets better for you #MG

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  3. Ah this is tricky. I was in the same situation. With 2 beautiful children I really wanted a 3rd but Hubbie did not. We have one girl, one boy and they are healthy, he would say. I just wanted another one! This went on until the youngest was 8 and then I decided that actually, 2 are great fun! We can afford a holiday, I went back to work part time, life was great. Then he wanted a 3rd! He changed his mind but I had also changed mine. I couldn’t see how a 10 year gap would be feasible and I just didn’t want to go back to the baby stage. So we have 2 amazing teenagers and I sometimes think we could have a 5 year old now but my life is moving on and I feel blessed for what I do have. You have 3 gorgeous and loved children; you are blessed. Don’t resent your partner for not wanting anymore. Take care. Xxx #mg

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  4. I have 3 children and I think i am done but I am not 100% sure. But my husband is. I totally understand where you are coming from and how it must hurt like hell! Even though I feel I am done more recently I’ve started to have that ache (i think its because my baby boy is nearly 1) and therefore i feel that feeling may never leave you! Do you have any pets? I know a pet wouldn’t replace wanting another child but it could be something that could be for you and something for you to focus on? Sending hugs xx

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  5. Sending hugs. I totally agree that you both have to want another child but maybe show him this post and use it to start a conversation. It might end up in the same place – with him saying no and you still longing – but it might help. Good luck!

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  6. That is a tough one, because naturally, his wishes are winning out over yours. There is no such thing as a win-win here. I can only assume you have talked this out with your partner. But one has to wonder why he has decided this. If having children was reduced to mere economics sure none of us would ever have them. They are very bad value!! There has to be more to it for him than that. He has to talk! #mg

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  7. I want another baby too. I didn’t think I did, and then I was watching Holby City the other night (a hospital drama). A woman had a baby in this episode and watching the baby being born and when the mother first held the baby I found that I was really jealous and broody and soppy. The thing is that because I am a single mum, I am not ever going to have another child. Oh well, sometimes we just have to be happy with our lot. I will have to find some friends who have recently had babies and just go round for a cuddle. Pen x #mg

    Liked by 1 person

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