Womens Rights

living in a false reality

I felt super annoyed today, well not all day, well actually it did sit with me for quite a while and here I am writing about it, so maybe it really did annoy me more than I care to admit?

Out for breakfast with a few girlfriends, the subject of sexual abuse came up. If you read my previous post you will be aware that this is a topic that I feel strongly about, why? I was sexually assaulted in the past. My friends do not know this about me, so they do not censor their views around me. I happen to know another friend sitting beside me was sexually assaulted as a teen by a family member so I knew she would have her own thoughts on this discussion.

One lady brought up the fact that a well known and loved celebrity was being accused of assaulting  a women he worked with a  few years ago during  musical stage show he was part of. Now I will make this clear, I do not know anything about this case, so I am not about to comment on it, but what really annoyed me was a comment made by another friend at the table, a mother who has a tween daughter. Her comment was;

“well what can you expect in that industry? He would have been on drugs, it is part of the scene. He wouldn’t have really known what he was doing.”

I am sorry (not sorry), but what the F***!????

I don’t know if he was on drugs, I don’t know if he did it, or if he didn’t, but if he did is that excused because it is part of the scene? What was she trying to say? I proceeded to say that I don’t believe him being on drugs excuses anything, if in fact he did do it. If he did then I don’t care what scene it was ,or what drugs he took, he still is 100% accountable for his actions!

My other friend (the one who was sexually abused) and I started taking about the issues with celebrities and how people treat them like some kind of Gods who could do no wrong, especially the better looking they are. We were chatting about the fact that women are still constantly treated like we are simply here to look pretty, please a man and that we should  be flattered that a man, any man gives us attention, like our whole self esteem is based on if a man wants to have sex with us.

Another friend decided to add that ‘it is all so much better these days, that women are reporting things mores and abuse occurring far less‘, she went on to add that ‘by the time our children were older it would hardly exist!’

Excuse me again (cough cough), but what planet is she living on?

How can I be sitting there with these intelligent, educated, funny, caring women who I have come to love and yet feel so far apart? Is it because I have been abused? Is my mind so warped because I have suffered sexual assault? Or are they burying their heads in the sand?

According to the fats and figures by OurWatch.org.au for Australian Women;

Eight out of ten women aged 18 to 24 were harassed on the street in the past year.

One in five Australian women has experienced sexual violence

On average, one woman a week is murdered by her current or former partner, according to the most recent analysis of homicide statistics in Australia.

One in four Australian women has experienced physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner

ONE in FIVE women, and yet we want to say it is getting better.

pexels-photo-450056

My thirteen year old daughter said no to a boy in her class to going on a date with him early last year. She was very nice about it, she explained she was not interested in him like that, but hoped they would be friends still. She just is not interested in dating. He said that was ok. I am not sure 13 year olds really know what romantic love is, but he told her and his friends he was in love with her. He was sad about her not wanting him, but he left her alone. His friends on the other hand did not leave it there. They hassled her for months, telling her she had made him sad, that it was all her fault he was hurting. That she should just kiss him so he would be happy. She continued to say no. They continued to annoy her. Her friends told them to stop, they didn’t. Eventually my daughter told the teachers and the boys stopped, but made it clear they were annoyed at her for telling.

I am proud of my daughter for not giving in to their continued pressure! It may seem all innocent, and for the most part it was, but still, it has to start somewhere doesn’t it. Boys being boys in the playground, it is no big deal, don’t overreact! But when you go to school day after day being told you have really hurt someone, and the only way to make it better is to kiss them it can put a young girl in a very uncomfortable position. Should we just laugh it off, or should these boys be told to back off!? Should they be told their behaviour is inappropriate? One in five girls/women have experienced sexual assault! 80% have been harassed on the street! Do we just say it is boys having fun? Or do we say enough is enough?

What do you think?

Thank you to everyone for their amazing supportive comments and tweets on my previous post, it means more than I can express here.

Ren.

Please note: I am not saying that boys and men are not sexually abused or assaulted. The facts remain though according to outwatch.org.au, “that both women and men are more likely to experience violence at the hands of men, with around 95% of all victims of violence in Australia reporting a male perpetrator”.

I am also not saying All Men are Bad, I am married to a wonderful man, trust me I know there are plenty of great boys, young men and men out there. Let’s raise our sons to be one of the great ones.

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Tweens, Teens & Beyond #37

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20 thoughts on “living in a false reality”

  1. I think people lie to themselves that the problem is getting better because they fear it happening to them, or in this case, their daughters. But burying their head in the sand will make the problem no better than it is, it might make it worse. I love to use this analogy when people say ‘he was on drugs’ – we prosecute and jail drunk people who drive. They may have been so drunk that they didn’t even know they were driving…but they still go to jail. Same for drug users!

    And great for your daughter! She doesn’t owe that boy or his friends a thing. And it’s sad to say that those same boys will probably at some point pressure a girl into a situation they don’t want to be in and think they did nothing wrong. They are so young to feel that someone ‘owes’ them something, especially kisses. #AnythingGoes

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It makes me angry to that people chose to burry their heads in the sand and pretend it isn’t happening. Drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, boys being boys, is not an excuse. There is no justification!
    #anythinggoes
    #globalblogging

    Like

  3. It’s more a case of ignorance is bliss. Turning a blind eye to things that is real in this world. No matter whether the person was stoned or looked like an angel – sexual assault is sexual assault. Stop shying away from it and trying to sugarcoat it – it really annoys me when people do that. Until we all stand together and say enough is enough without making excuses for it – I’m afraid this problem will still linger for many years to come.#Globalblogging

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  4. Whenever a sexual assault happens, people come us with excuses..they were drunk, she wore provocative clothes, he was not in his mind blah blah!!..high time we change the mindsets. Good post dear.

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  5. I wouldn’t have been that impressed with those comments either. Improving things is a team effort. We need to bring our daughters and sons to respect each other, treat each other right and know there is no excuse for sexual assault etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think that these woman just were being incredibly naive at best but perhaps they just hadn’t thought about the subject enough? It doesn’t excuse what they were saying but may explain it? I think it’s incredibly important that we teach all children that no means no. So if our children are playing and one child stands up and makes it very clear they are unhappy and say, no, we need to teach them that this is ok and should be respected. When mine were little and we used to play wrestling, I always made sure that if one of them said, no everyone stopped. Fab post but one that made me think too. #anythinggoes

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sexual abuse and harassment is so endemic in our societies that we are seen as prissy or feisty or difficult to deal with if we call it out.
    In your daughter’s case, her teachers were despicable. Your daughter most certainly shouldn’t have felt bad for going to them for support. I have to say that I admire the integrity of the boy who did like your daughter. He must have felt incredible peer pressure from his friends too. It is an absolute credit to him that he stuck to his guns and despite this peer pressure didn’t pressure your daughter. He is a boy that your daughter should be proud to be friends with, in a purely platonic and non-romantic way of course.

    Pen x #AnythingGoes

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I think what you highlight is that women have put up with it for so long, we’re half the problem (in that we think we had a role in it (not acknowledge it was a thing done to us), we think we did something to cause it and so on, and we keep quiet about it). I think we have been conditioned to feel that we caused it (the irony, we caused the unwanted actions of another…?!) and so judge others by this standard too. I read the scandal (beartown) and they talk about the process of dehumanising the victim, and it’s amazing how women do this too (and how easily we let the media manipulate us. #GlobalBlogging

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your daughter is one very brave, strong woman. One of many. One we need so that the #metoo movement can come to an end. I hope that it can. I don’t know of very many people here in the US who cannot say, #metoo Thank you for your awareness and candor here! #mg xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That kind of peer pressure is horrible and we should definitely be teaching our boys and girls that no means no, end of. His friends maybe thought they were doing the right thing for their friend but they weren’t respecting your daughter. I’m glad she is strong, sounds as though she has a great strong Mama to guide her! Thanks for linking up to the #bigpinklink with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Everyday sexism, harassment and abuse has become a real coffee shop culture conversation at the moment. Which in loads of ways is a great thing – bringing it to the foreground and getting it spoken about, but boy do you come across some cretinous, naive opinions!
    Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub

    Like

  12. As I was reading this I read the paragraph about your daughter to my 11 year old son. I really wanted his opinion and truth be told, I wanted to know if I was truly raising him right, so I asked what he would do in that situation. I asked him how would he have handled it if he was the boy who liked the girl and if he was one of the friends. I loved his response. He said, “as the boy who likes the girl I would have told my friends to stop bothering her. She said no. As one of the friends, well, I wouldn’t have bothered her. I would be there for my friend but I wouldn’t bother the girl. What is the point of that?” I think we need to show more awareness when raising our boys to understand that no means no. As for your friends, I’ve been in similar situations and its infuriating but also eye opening (for me at least) to know that part of the problem is that most people, women included, don’t want to admit this is a real problem. We have come a long way but we still have far to go. We just have to band together and open up more awareness about the issue. Great post! #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I wonder if this is a case of people not thinking through what they are saying. This really made me think. How easy it can be to offer a response without realising how it may be received and what you are saying. Those lads at school don’t sound very nice at all and well done to you daughter for holding her ground. It’s really nice to meet you here and thanks for joining us at #tweensteensbeyond. Hope you can come back and join us again.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. It’s a staggering figure of 80% of women being sexually harassed in the street but I am not surprised. It happened to me when I was younger and it happens to my daughters (who are all teens). It infuriates me. They will actually change direction rather than walk past a load of builders on the street. It’s happened in bars and on public transport. No I don’t accept it as part of life and nor should any woman. I really hope things are changing. Brilliant post! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Sexual abuse has been happening for centuries and will continue to happen. Sadly. It is frightening to think that people are still so naive and thoughtless in thier opinions about it. What a proud moment for you as a mom, to know that your daughter stood up for herself. #globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hi Ren, thank you so much for linking such a thought provoking post. Unfortunately there will always be people in this world that just do not think before they speak and proffer opinions based on pure ignorance. It must have been very tough for both you and your friend to sit there and listen to those comments and keep quiet.

    Reading your daughter’s story I was holding my breath all the way through and hoping that she remained resolute in her stance. What a brave young girl, you must be so proud of her. My son is 19 and whilst he was growing up and even now to this day I stress the importance of him listening to girls and being respectful. I cannot comprehend this society whereby some men think it is their right to intimidate and threaten women. Unfortunately there will always be some but I hope that moving forward as we all become more vocal about this subject, future generations will be like your daughter and stand up for themselves.

    I hope you can join us again. #TweensTeensBeyond

    Like

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