I found out my sister is going through Menopause! She is not that much older than me, she is still so young! I am kind of freaking out a little (or a bit more than a little). Why? I mean it isn’t about me so why would I freak out? This is her body, her story, her life! Am I being selfish to make this post about me? Well it is not like she is going to read it, I am not sharing this blog with my family or friends, this is my venting space, my selfish space, notice the word ‘my’? I know I sound terrible, but isn’t that why we start blogs to write about things that affect us? Or is that just me?
I feel bad for her, hot flushes in the middle of work meetings, sweaty upper lip, not nice! Why do our hormones have to be so mean? I know her and I are still two different people, so it doesn’t mean I will start as young as her, but it has just hit me, that maybe we are getting old(er)! What if I am not finished having kids, is this my last chance to add to my family? Would I even want to add to my family if my other half did. He doesn’t by the way! I should be content with 3, I know this, logically. Emotionally though I wish I could have another 3, even if I am not sure my back, ribs, hips or vagina could take it! I want to be one of those mums with eight kids, homeschooling, living off grid, happy, and calm, and perfectly content to let my hair become silver. Well it is a nice dream, also a slightly scary dream, because I think 8 children at home everyday may just send me more crazy than I am already. Oh and I want chickens, chickens that don’t destroy every living ant in sight and turn my grass into piles of mud! (Yes my chickens did this! Roaming, adorable chickens are more destructive than you think!) In my dreams though (and in magazines), they are so perfectly adorable.
This whole idea of Menopause approaching just makes me stop and think, will I truly be happy to never have another newborn, another toddler? Will Fox never have a brother? Is that part of my life really past me FOREVER? Does anyone else wonder if they will ever stop craving another child? Ask me in the middle of the night and I will happily say I don’t want another one. Ask me on an airplane when my children are bored and someone has a baby screaming in the row behind me and I will say no, but then sometimes when I am just listening to my heart, or watching my children sleep and I am sure the answer will be different.
I know my baby making days are most likely behind me, but accepting it, or having it forced upon me by unwanted menopause is a bitter pill to swallow!